Lesson Learned

I wish I could move past into something much greater. I have learned a lot of lessons, but for those lessons learned it can take time to finally apply them.

The other night at work a Mexican lady came through the register with a few summer dresses for a young girl. One dress didn't have a price tag or anyway to find out how much it was. In her broken English she said a few times that her friend told her it was $4. Normally, these brand new summer dresses are $20 and no way would be on clearance for $4 which is what she was claiming. I sadly had a little bit of doubt of her integrity on the claim she was making. But I was willing to accommodate and give it to her for $8 and just scan another dress and change the price. Well, while sifting through the dress one last time I found a little tiny tag with a UPC number and punched it in. And guess what? The dress ran for $4. I was amazed. Then the customer said, "See? I am not a bad woman."  I stood corrected and actually quite happy that was the case.

Yesterday, the census called again offering a different position, similar to the last of working in the office but I'd be an office clerk (don't really know the difference). I accepted it making sure I wouldn't have to work Sundays. But I have a conflict that it is 40 hours a week and will conflict with Kohl's. I told my boss today that I was given another job offer and he was quick to be accommodating to this new temporary job. It was actually quite a relief to know that he was quick to offer to help. He mentioned that he wanted to make sure they could keep me. It's nice to feel wanted.

I wish I could express some of the void feeling I have. It's like part of me is just not there. It makes me sick to my stomach, literally. Sometimes when I pray or read my scriptures the feeling gets worse. I realize that I know the principles of the gospel, but do I apply them as well. I need greater faith. That faith makes the atonement more real the more I have. I can't expect to be truly happy just by simply living the commandments. I have to live the commandments with more sure knowledge and faith that it is right. Which I do know it's right, don't get me wrong, I just need more faith. It needs to turn from something like this:

To more up close and focused:

I do know that everything will be ok no matter how hard things may be. I just to rely more on Him and what all of this life journey is all about. I know He is my Savior. I know He lives. 

But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in 

him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage.

Mosiah 7:33

Lost

Well, things have been good. This other girl, Loraina, at work early this morning asked me a lot of questions about the church. Turns out she is Jehovah Witness but not practicing. I tried to teach her about priesthood authority (which the JW's believe in but don't believe it's on the earth currently) but I don't think she comprehended it. She seemed interested in meeting with the missionaries, so we shall see.
Another interesting thing that is developing with work is that my right leg and foot are starting to cramp up real bad with all the fast walking I do while there. I somehow pulled a muscle in my ankle area my first week at work and seems like it gets worse little by little. Hopefully nothing is too wrong. I just need to take it easy.

I haven't done much besides work today and watched an episode of the tv show Lost on Hulu (been sleeping, too many early morning shifts and lack of sleep). Last night's episode in fact. Lost has been my favorite TV show I have ever seen. My roommate Mike introduced it to me freshman year at BYU shortly after season one started and have been hooked ever since. It is on its final season with only two or three episodes left (grilling to wait and see how it will end). Some episodes are sort of less exciting because they are those transitional episodes to help the plot be set up. Well, last night's episode was not one of those, it was intense and quite honestly emotionally draining. There are few times in my life I cry during a film of any sort and I cried during this one. There is one other scene from Lost that I will show you hereafter but first want to talk about Sun and Jin's final scene in this TV show.
A background - Sun and Jin are husband and wife from Korea that haven't always had the best marriage but the Island seemed to have fixed their problems and even allowed Sun to become pregnant when earlier they couldn't have a baby. To make an extremely long story short. Sun and 5 others finally get off the island in 2 seasons ago, but Jin and others stayed. Sun thought Jin was dead during those three years but decided to go back to the Island after she found out Jin was still alive. It was a tender moment when they finally met again.
So now they are trying to leave the Island again but this time in a sub which then was placed with a bomb that exploded and now they try to escape one last time. Notice how Jin will not leave his wife again. Notice the music. Notice just even the littlest amount of feelings of sadness you may have felt. This thing, I hate to admit, made me ball. I edited these clips this evening.



Phew - made it through that one.

This next one is from 3 seasons earlier. Actually from season 3 episode 1. Much different time and events going on during this one than the last clip. Jack Shepherd, a doctor and leader of the survivors from the plane crash, is caught by The Others and they place him in a holding place. He is pretty resistant at first and Julia (the woman speaking during the clip who turns out to be a good guy unlike the rest of The Others) helps him calm down. We learn earlier that his wife has an affair and leaves him for that man. His own insanity drives him crazy to pushing her even more away. The flashback during the clip explains what happens and I love afterwards his greatest desire. It hit me so hit the first time I saw it because I had just gotten out of a tough relationship at that time that I still cared for the girl and wanted nothing else for her to be happy.



Ok ok, I promise I am not some sort of Lost junkie...I just wanted to share how awesome and amazing your feelings can be after watching something done right. And...it's a dedication to the most amazing TV show - LOST.

Update

Well, I just got done watching the new video on the church's website  and it was motivational to get back to this blogging. First, I have to say that my job at Kohl's is getting a lot better. I complained about it and that's something I usually don't do. I have complained about some things lately and never have been a real complainer. My supervisors like me. The one that I work with for unloading the truck always seems to express gratitude that I am as hard working as I am - that makes the job a lot easier when you are appreciated. Some weeks I work only two days and others I work basically everyday. They aren't making me work Sundays which is a real great blessing! There are a small handful of other members working there in the store and they work Sundays. I feel bad for when we talk about going to church and them having to work when I don't. And it's interesting, each of them are on the brink of going inactive. One should be heading out on his mission soon and I hear of him going to parties. Another, a mom in my home ward, told me she already knows she's 'going to hell anyways, so why even bother?' I wish I could help these individuals out by my example by not working on Sundays and hopefully through other actions. I have had a couple of really neat missionary opportunities with other employees. One asked if she could come to church with me this last Sunday! She didn't come but that means I can invite her myself. Another, with a man named Tim. I work with him during the early morning shifts. He is very intrigued with Mormons and was a trucker passing through Salt Lake and always wanted to stop by Temple Square but never did. We have fun discussions and he knows he needs to be better with his life when we talk about the standards I have because of my faith. He's a bit older, so we'll see what happens with this one. Another, Cesar, he also works early in the mornings with me and he is looking for a church to go to. Yesterday we talked a lot about my mission and why I did it and what for. It was amazing to see his eyes light up as I talked about the sacrifices and changes people made to have the blessings of the restored gospel in their lives. I hear many negative things around work and it makes it so relevant to me how much the gospel has blessed my life.

So I have tried to keep skills I learned on my mission stick with me for the rest of my life. One of those is being productive and keeping a good study habit. So I created my own "key indicators" for the days and week. And below it I made daily plans and goals. Here is a look:

So it is based off of points to help me know where I need to improve on. I loved key indicators and to see them grow through my mission. Beginning of my mission I maybe taught 3 lessons a week, near the end we were teaching nearly 30 lessons a week and seeing much success. And I give most of that to the principle of keeping myself accountable. Which leads me to the goal of "Prayer/Accountability." This is an eternal principle I learned on my mission. Elder Arnold of the seventy came to my mission and taught it to us. He made us read Preach My Gospel pages 150-151 each day for 6 weeks. We account in so many ways, through our church leaders, family and prayer. I noticed I had quit that habit of giving an accounting to the Lord each night and evaluating my day, seeing what went well and what could have gone better. It was a big changing point on my mission. I feel so much more at peace when I do it. 

I also am trying to work on temple names from my family history. I have felt impressed on several church meetings to do it, especially while I am home. I think they would appreciate it. 

I have been taking a lot of notes again during church meetings. It was during President Uchtdorf's talk in Priesthood Session that I had this completely obvious and simple picture come to my mind. You guessed it, it was about missionary work. So often times we run into people who just aren't interested in the gospel, not even listening about what it is. Sometimes we feel that may have been a huge waste of time or effort. Or maybe we even become discouraged when we invite our neighbor, friend or coworker to church or a church event. So we don't bother to do it again because it didn't work. Well, the great thing I have learned is that everyone needs the opportunity to hear the gospel. It isn't up to us to force them into it, in fact it's no ones choice but theirs. So this idea popped into my head of what it means for someone to finally be ready: 

 

This is a picture of two buckets. One full and one not. If it is full they accepted the gospel and if not full, they either don't know about it yet, have not accepted it. And depending on their level of water it is compared to their level of accepting the gospel. Simple enough. And that is what it is like for all people here on this earth. Those that I met on my mission that readily accepted the gospel were at the top if not overflowing their buckets. And most people I taught and saw be baptized were 1/2 or 3/4's of the way there. My point is with this that it is those that are prepared that receive the gospel. We can invite them to be baptized all we want but it isn't until they  are at the top that they are finally personally ready. 

So here is another perspective of those that are ready to finally be taught. Same principle with water level but this time there is a bar at a point in the bucket. This bar shows when they are ready to finally listen. We have to be humble enough to accept this gospel so we first have to be humble enough to receive and listen to it. So where do we come in during this process? We are in it the whole time. Always inviting (not nagging) and if they say no, we can't become offended or discouraged. This is all in the Lord's hands, He knows what He is doing. If they say no, just ask someone else. Maybe that someone else is ready. So often missionaries and members find people ready to receive the gospel through others that are not. 

One other thought that came to my mind that I want to write down. I don't remember where I was, but it is in my notebook area near "Original Sin" notes. These are a few of the lies that Satan gives us before and after we sin. These are not in any particular order: 

1. It is ok to do it once - test it out. There is no harm in experiencing it.

2. I can repent later. 

3. I've done it already - I can do it one more time.

4. You are not good enough or capable enough to repent. You can never be in good standing in the eyes of the Lord. 

These are some of the major ones we forget that Satan's puts into our minds. It is rooted from selfishness or pride which often turns into doubt almost immediately. 

Some of you may laugh at me or think I am weird for thinking these things or even putting them up here. But it's just how I think. Missionary work has always been my life. The gospel is the best way of life. Through all of the different cultures and religions I have studied it's the only thing that makes perfect sense to me. It really is the fulness of Christ's gospel.