Church History And A Testimony

There has been much discussion about doubt and leaving of the church recently. I also was part of a discussion recently on Facebook. Sadly, it was filled with too many people that wanted to only banter rather than discuss. I had to take myself away from that discussion and future discussions because I found myself feeling of no worth. These people's negativity, though not convincing me otherwise of my knowledge, I had a sense of no worth, no respect for God, and no respect for the basics of the gospel growing within my heart. Though I am sure for a few of them, their motives were sincere and truly desiring answers, others were out there looking to bash on the church (members and non-members) in whatever venue they could. These are people who seem to be on a perpetual search to find what is wrong with the church.

Many seem to be disgruntled by a number of things but particularly the one I'd like to address is the "covered up" church's history. Many have lost or had their faith weakened due to things that they have learned over the internet, word of mouth, or through their own research in church history books. They have felt as though they were tricked, lied to, or deceived. They feel that this is so because the church leaders don't put certain details in the church manuals and have purposely avoided such topics to avoid a history that is not perfect.

I have two answers to this reasoning that I hope will be helpful to all members and individuals seeking answers from God if the restored church is truly here on earth:

1) If the church really didn't want you to know these things the leaders now and in the past would have erased it from its records. You can look it up freely (even before the internet was available), the church is not hiding anything. The church has always done things to address the issues in the past and present. One example is the Mountain Meadow Massacre. President Hinckley dedicated a monument there not too long ago to commemorate the lives lost. It was a hard topic to bring up and many mixed feelings about it was felt inside and out of the church, still are. But if the church wasn't wanting to deal with it, they could have erased it by ignoring it. Same with many other things that are of deep church history issues. They didn't do this because it is what it is. The church is still standing today not because of it's history but because of it's true claim to being the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.

2) The church will always focus on the basics of salvation. We hear church history stories all the time in our lessons at church, general conference talks mention incredible stories of early Saints' sacrifices and diligence to overcome difficult times. They do occasionally focus on those Saints that fell away because of pride. All of this to gain an important lesson that helps us to come closer to our Savior. Everything they teach us (leaders and manuals) is to lead us closer to Christ, and they only have so much time to do it. The address of negative, taboo, or extremely odd church history experiences may not be as important to hear as such of an experience of faith. This is why I believe we don't hear too much over the pulpit or in the manuals of difficult subjects with church history. We do hear it occasionally to which I've almost always heard a reasonable response.

Clearly the church isn't perfect. Joseph Smith did have several wives, Brigham Young probably was a racist, and weird things happened in the mountains. So what? How does this help you gain a testimony of the divinity of Christ and His infinite Atonement? Are we shallow enough to neglect that Christ's atonement works with you and others? Shallow to neglect that God is doing His work with imperfect people? I would remind anyone that church history issues are not of the greater importance. The greater importance is your personal witness that Jesus is the Christ, the Book of Mormon is the word of God,  that you are on the path to make and keep covenants, and the many other basic principles of the gospel that are taught on a weekly basis.

One thing that made me sad from the last Facebook conversation is that they assumed I had never doubted. I was not a worthy vessel to share how to help overcome doubt. I did in fact tell them that I have doubted and they shouldn't assume (if you are reading this and think I am the perfect Peter Priesthood-y type, just stop it). I have doubted. I have doubted a terrible amount. My first time truly doubting was in high school. I had numerous older friends as a freshman, they were all very inclusive and allowed me to be part of their circle. After a little while, I got bombarded by several of them with anti-Mormon literature (namely church history issues). I could reply to a few of their questions and comments but ultimately I was beaten, and badly. I questioned myself why such claims were being stated and how I couldn't answer them correctly. Wasn't I a member of the true and living church? Wasn't it perfect? Was the church not perfect? Was it all a big lie? I recall talking to my dad about a few of the questions. One after one, I gave him the concerns and comments my friends gave me and one after another he would give me a reasonable answer in response to it. I continued asking my father since it was working until finally he said something along the lines of, "How can they know the gospel isn't true when they themselves haven't given an honest sincere question to know for themselves? These attacks don't matter. What matters is your testimony."

I knew his words rang true. You see, as a 9 year old boy I was challenged by the full-time missionaries to pray and know if the Book of Mormon was true, if Joseph Smith was a true prophet at which I did accept that challenge. That very night I went to my bed (I remember the setting well as we had just moved into our new house) and knelt down in prayer. The question was simple but my answer was profound. I knew then that the Book of Mormon was true because of a simple sincere prayer. My father taught me a great lesson. Rely on faith, not quarrels.

That freshman year in high school wasn't the only time that I had encountered major doubts. For pe
rsonal reasons I will not describe the whole story but rather just the end. I found myself in the office of a minister. This minister was the leader of a very popular church in my hometown. I would later term this church similar to those on my mission in Seattle as "Mega Churches." It was almost the popular thing to do, go to this church's 20 minute sermon and feel the love of God. So why was I in the minister's office? Because I was questioning my membership in the Mormon Church. Now looking back, the minister was a very wise man, a good wise man. After a series of questions, which his tone seemed to be of questioning my motives, he finally asked, "are you willing to deny the Book of Mormon?" I paused for a while, looking down. Pondering. Then without a hesitation, smiling, I looked back up and said, "no, I cannot deny the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon." Oddly enough, he smiled back and led me to the door of his office.

Do you get what I'm trying to say, yet? Encounter all you will about the church's history or even flat out lies about the doctrine (and occasional church history event) and you can still know that it is true because of a spiritual witness of the divinity of Jesus Christ and His work. To this day, my spiritual witness has helped me get through the thick darkness, the "earthquakes of doubt." The church is not perfect. The people in the church is not perfect but my Savior is. My Heavenly Father sent His Son, to die and suffer the sins and pains of the world. The pains of the world include doubt. Yours and mine.

If you are truly struggling to know if the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only true and living church on the earth, I advise you follow Elder Scott's directions, "If you seek His help, be sure your life is clean, your motives are worthy, and you’re willing to do what He asks—for He will answer your prayers. He is your loving Father; you are His beloved child. He loves you perfectly and wants to help you."

Three things, 1) seek His help, 2) motives are pure, and 3) praying with real intent, willing to act upon the answer you receive.  Those things have helped me and they will help your or anyone else's struggles in gospel matters. The Book of Mormon and modern day prophets will lead you closer to your Savior.