Finding Peace

Finding peace is what we all strive for. Though there may be people that we think never seem to want to be at rest, we all desire the same thing. Sometimes we may be in denial that we are at peace when we really are. It isn’t rare to see that people can be in denial of their inner struggles. Surely, the first step to gain peace is to recognize what we are not at peace with and admit.

I have found myself in a similar situation. I have thought I've been at peace with events in my life, though there has been dramatic progress, to the contrary I have not been completely at peace. I have found that there is no one simple cure that is immediate though I've prayed that there is, in most cases it doesn't work that way.  I have many great things in my life that have been satisfactory substitutes and compliments, why has this still been a struggle for me? I had the gall to look her up on Facebook and noticed a smiling photo of her next to a smiling man. I could see that she was happy and I immediately felt happy. That’s all I've ever wanted for her. To see her happy made it much easier to find that peace. It’s almost like the feeling of knowing someone has come out of a dangerous surgery that went better than expected, like a heavy burden has been taken from you, or when in fact it is a relief with a sigh of deep gratitude for how the Master lets you know that everything will be alright.

The prophet Joseph F. Smith stated “But the healing of a wound is an art not acquired by practice alone, but by the loving tenderness that comes from universal good will and a sympathetic interest in the welfare and happiness of others.”

 The Lord promised through the prophet Jeremiah when He said: “I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow. … I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.” Jeremiah 31:13, 25

I am grateful for joy and happiness. I am grateful for the moments of sadness and hardships because it draws me closer to my Heavenly Father and Savior. To find peace is everything that our loving Heavenly Father wants us to have as we have the opportunity to live with Him again. I am grateful for the blessings I have in my life at this time, of which have been stepping stones to greater peace and joy. This isn't a cry that I'm not happy but rather that I am now happier. 

Lessons Learned in 2011 - What Is Really Important?

The year 2011 was an amazing year. I turned a quarter century, began BYU's second year of Arabic, gained everything that life had to offer for me at the time. It was full of scary, sad, and happy moments. I learned more of myself and how others feel and work. It seems the more I learn the more I realize how much I do not know and how everything is in God's hands. I met many great new people and built better relations with those I already knew. I hopefully didn't harm friendships and if I did, I am sorry for anything I have done wrong. I thought I'd put out a list of things I learned this year.

1. Buying a used laptop on eBay can be cheaper money wise but so is your experience with the item.

2. When I am home and the whole family gathers together in my parent's home, it is so loud! I now have 5 nephews and 2 nieces under the age of 7. I think my parent's need a bigger house. 

3. I learned how to appreciate the great weather of San Diego just a little bit more. It was sure warm this Christmas break and my few trips during the summer were great. 

4. I learned how much I appreciate my brothers and family. Click here

5. Money isn't everything and we must be wise about it. We get sucked up into how much money we are going to make and pleasing others that we forget have faith that all will be okay after we do all that we can. I also learned that I can be more frugal with my money and make better choices on what I do with it. 

6. I learned how hard Arabic really is. It is a beast and I will conquer this beast.

7. I learned what it would be like in graduate school and that I will survive it. I had an upper level class with the topics on contemporary Islamic issues (I will post my findings on here someday). There were only two of us in the class and as me and the other student turned in our final paper on the very last day of finals week, I couldn't be more proud of how we worked together so well and learned in a setting that I loved. Our professor was very happy with our efforts. It was a great a great boost after a time of lack of confidence in myself. Probably my happiest moment in my academic life. It told me I can do it, I can accomplish my academic goals. 

8. I never loved anyone more than I have than this last year. I never felt so high on life and the gospel. I learned a new level of being closer to my Father in Heaven. I learned how happy and confident I could be in life. I was the best man I had ever felt like I had ever been, even better then how I felt on my mission (which says a lot). I felt indefinitely in debt to her and the Lord because of how she made me feel. For the first time, I felt I had a purpose with another individual that I had been yearning for. What a miraculous feeling! I learned more than ever what a best friend meant and how happy a relationship could be. To me, no one was more of a princess than she was. 

9. In contrast, I learned what depression and heartache was. I felt more lonely than ever before. I felt a strong sense of loss of confidence and happiness. It taught me what others may feel, those that didn't have friends or something missing in their life that stopped them from doing their best. It was really helpful to have these feelings because I now can see a little better the life of those who struggle with sadness and depression. It is not a fun experience and I hope to be a better support for those that are struggling.

10. I learned that even though things may seem lost, we can still pick up and do better than what we think we can do. I can do anything and I will accomplish more than what others think I ever will.

Those are just a few, there are many many more lessons I have learned that I do not want to bore you with. But I'd like to share one last one that I learned more of this year and that is the reliance upon the atonement of Jesus Christ. I am nothing and He is everything. Heavenly Father loves me so much that he would give up His only Begotten Son for everyone that has and will live here in this beautiful world. I learned a little more what the power of prayer can be. I learned a little more of what it means to serve those around you. I learned a little more of how precious others are to God. My testimony is stronger, my ability to discern right from wrong is clearer, the spirit speaks a bit more sharper, and my love for my Savior has reached a new level. I got to do what I am commanded to do. I must keep breathing. I must keep myself clean from the stains of the world. I must keep the commandments. I must give more of myself into the hands of the Lord and trust that will all work out. 

Pornography Harms

About a month ago in our ward's Elders Quorum we taught a lesson on Pornography. It was I guess you can say your normal "Pornography" lesson at church--why we need to abstain from it, the effects it has on you now and with a future spouse. All of which are very good reasons why we should not. A member of the stake presidency told me that probably at least 3/10's of priesthood holders are addicted to pornography in one way or another. That is just too much. So I thought I'd share two things I shared with the quorum.
1) Elder Holland's Mormon Message, "Watch Your Step"
2) Quotes from the sisters from the ward's relief society. I sent out a mass email to the sisters of the ward asking for their opinions and feelings about pornography that will help the elders to do be strong or stronger with this area of temptation. They are anonymous entrees. These quotes seemed to help the elders realize that there are sisters in their own ward that care about them and are encouraging them to be strong, valiant faithful priesthood holders of which they should be.

I know that anyone can overcome the addiction of pornography through the atonement of Jesus Christ. We do all that we can and ask the Lord to help us the rest of the way.

Quotes From The Sisters On Pornography

1. Advice is to set goals and resolve not to allow yourself to view pornography. Also, keep a picture of the Savior or the temple, or something like that by your computer. It really does help! If it pops up on the computer--turn it off. Run! Don't hesitate. If you are into pornography. think about your future. Think about the possible outcomes. Talk to a priesthood leader. It is hard, but the prize is worth it.

2. Pornography, to me is more than addiction. It is a vile disease that will eat you up. It is one of Satan's strongest tactics because it truly disintegrates the family and that is the biggest strength we can have. It takes away agency and leaves one alone--never satisfied and a skewed sense of relationships.

3. One of my very best friends back home has been hurt so much because her dad got into pornography which eventually caused her parents to get their temple sealing cancelled. It had been going on for years, and had only gotten worse because he hadn't gotten any help in overcoming it. He has since cleaned up his act somewhat and is now married to another woman, but the HARDEST thing in the world for me has been seeing how her trust for men just disappeared. Her own father, who is supposed to be a worthy priesthood holder, betrayed the trust that she had inherently put in him for as long as she knew. Dating has even been difficult because she's afraid to trust even the people who truly love her and won't hurt her. She has a little brother approaching Deacon age. He desperately needs a good example and I hope he will be able to learn from his grandpa, faithful home teachers, and other church leaders. But he should be able to learn that from his own father.

Most of all, I want her to know that someday when she gets married, there WILL be a wonderful man that will love and respect her, someone who she can trust with all of her heart. I want her to know that not all men are like that, even though the person who was supposed to be an example decided to give in to an extremely selfish desire -- one that cost him his family and left them trying to rebuild from the ashes.

4. Please, think of your future families. It affects so many more people than just you. They need to be able to TRUST you. And if pornography will hurt them, it will definitely hurt you too. There are way too many wonderful, righteous desires we can pursue in our lives to get hung up on something as stupid and selfish as pornography. Do not tolerate ANYTHING like unto it. Get away from it if you ever encounter it. Get help if you need it -- the sooner you take care of it, the less it will hurt, and remember the power of the Savior's atonement to help you become clean.

5. To those of you who have the COURAGE to turn off a movie or song, who walk out of the theater -- or better yet, not go in the first place -- you have my greatest thanks and admiration. That's what REAL strength is. Thank you. Please help your friends to do the same, and keep up the good work. I pray God will bless you in staying clean from the stains of the world. You CAN do it, and the Lord will always help you.

6. I would advise against pornography because it ruins your life and your ability to have a normal relationship.  It's one of those things that gets in your head and never leaves.  It's like a drug, just once is too much.

7.  I know a girl from home who is twice divorced because her husbands both had issues with pornography.  She is a wonderful person who deserves to be loved for who she is and it saddens me to see such a disgusting thing get in the way and ruin a sacred temple marriage. As women we want to be loved for who we are and not what we are. No one deserves to be treated as an object. If you want to be truly happy for the rest of eternity, stay away from nasty pornography and stick with good wholesome worthy temple marriage. You'll be glad you did.

8. Well, this is a pretty intense topic and I know it seems like we hear about it a lot, but the more of the world that I have seen, the more I understand how important it is to continually talk about this.  In short, pornography is one of the easiest tools for Satan to use because it seems so harmless at first.  It just seems like one picture, but that can become so addicting and can lead to worse things.  It would be hard to believe that such a horrible thing such as abuse or an affair could start with a pornography addiction.  It is a real danger and something that is threatening families everywhere.

9. I remember that we had a lesson one time in Relief Society about pornography and how it affects so many men in our society.  They told us that we need to be careful and we need to know about these problems if our boyfriends or husbands have had them in the past.  They told us to ask the people that we are dating if they have had issues with this in the past so that we can be there to help them if they have another problem.  I really went home and asked my boyfriend if he had ever had a problem with it in his life.  It may seem extreme, but I just feel like it is easier to tell your girlfriend about a potential problem that tries to work through the problems it has caused in your relationship later.  I know that it is something that ruins families and I do not want it to ruin mine so I will do what I have to in order to avoid it, meaning that I will offer all the love and support I can.

10. I've learned a lot about pornography within the last month or so because of people I know of who have admitted to struggling with an addiction for years. I think it's so important for the boys to know that if they do have an addiction they need psychological help. I've learned that it changes the chemicals within the brain making it almost impossible to get completely over it without psychological help. There's an awesome support group that I believe the church hosts that meets once a week at different places all over the valley. There's one just off campus that I know of. Moms, Dads, girlfriends, siblings, friends, etc can totally go with them as support too and learn for themselves about what a serious problem this is. Building a support group makes such a difference!

11. The boys need to realize that this does not make them lesser men. I think that those of them that may be struggling with an addiction would be shocked to find out how many others are struggling alongside them. I love my boys, especially those who are struggling and seeking help. It breaks my heart that you guys have to face this sort of thing. I strongly believe that having this addiction and overcoming it will only create better and stronger men for the future. They will become better church leaders, fathers, and patriarchs. This was definitely more than a sentence, but I feel very strongly about this subject. One last thing - everyone takes the attack from a "scare" approach. What I mean is that teachers use "scare tactics" by telling guys that if they look at pornography THEN they'll become rapists, sex addicts, drug addicts, etc. So what about the good guys who are struggling with this addiction? What hope do they have if they think people will only think of them as scum? We don't think of them as scum. We love them and want to help support them.

12.  I think the biggest thing for guys stuck in this situation- between being addicted and being free- is for them to realize that they aren't worthless and disgusting. It was so hard for me to see him berating himself and being so angry at himself that he didn't love himself at all- he felt like the scum of the earth. Sure, pornography is a horrible addiction, but it does NOT deprive anyone from the Savior's love. There is always a chance to pivot- to do a complete 180, stopping the bad direction, and pursuing the righteous path.

13. Guys know how girls are- we cry when we're happy, and we cry when we're sad. Some of us are pretty insecure, and small things can drop our opinion of ourselves. Well, picture a situation in which you have to tell your girlfriend or wife that you are addicted to pornography. To a woman, she will feel like you love the pornography more than her; that you think it is more beautiful than she is. (And I say "it" because pornography is not "real people," if you get my meaning. Pornography is a sick way to destroy the pure love and unity of man and wife.) When you find your woman and get married, you want to see only her, and God, in the relationship. There is no tangent line to the triangle. Don't let pornography be a tangent. It destroys, and never builds. Repentance is possible, and though it may not be easy, it's worth it. Heavenly Father sent us here and only gave us trials we can handle. With God, nothing is impossible.

14. Anyone struggling with that addiction just has to decide before hand to get whatever is tempting them out of the picture completely! Maybe that even means that every time they use their laptop, if they know that they might be tempted, if they are by themselves, then go into a room with people in it that will not be so private. They can find something to replace the lustful thoughts. Maybe they can find websites that are a good substitute for turning off the addiction. Maybe every time they get the urge to view, they can turn to mormon.org instead, or lds.org...and just get re-focused. Doing these things over time, consistently and diligently will dampen and ultimately bury those addictions. Of course, all the while praying without ceasing for help to conquer the addiction at hand.

15. Obviously pornography is bad. Can you imagine looking at it with your mother in the room? Christ? Anyone? Even if Satan was in there watching with you, you would be embarrassed because you gave in to his will and lowered your standards.

16. My grandfather viewed pornography. Although it may seem harmless, it eventually led him to drinking, participating in other behavior and he became an alcoholic. I never knew my grandpa sober- and even as a little girl I could see the disrespectful way he treated my grandmother. My grandmother could no longer take the abuse so at age 75, she separated from her husband of many years. My grandpa did not see the effects his selfish behavior had on anyone else because he was to busy with his own pleasures, it finally took him losing everything he had to come back to his senses, and now he is full of sorrow and regrets, wishing he could take back 50 years of his life. My mom, and aunts were also affected by his selfishness even us grandchildren. I was not important to my grandpa, until recently. Please please, stay away from this evil addiction as no good whatsoever will come of it. Families will be ruined.
Why it is bad, the effects

17. To continue with the thought of being fulfilled, I learned from my marriage prep teacher that sex is not a need, but a means to an end. The need we all have is to feel love and belonging. Pornography may seem a suitable medication at the time, but it will not ever fulfill that need. Trapping yourself in this addiction prevents you and whomever you decided to marry from having a fully healthy sexual relationship until you undo the unhealthy conditioning you have towards this media. I do feel that freedom IS possible though, through the Atonement and hard work in absence of denial.

If you have gotten into this heartbreaking pattern, recognize that it does NOT make you evil. If you pray to God and ask Him if He loves you, He WILL answer! He is there even when you pull away. He will help you.

18. Pornography breaks hearts, your own and the hearts of those you love. If you think that you aren't hurting anyone else, that is denial. But the reason these people hurt is because they love you. They want to you to succeed and feel fulfilled. I hope that you would pray about who in your life needs to know about your struggle so that they can be God's angels to help you. I am sure the Bishop will be just one of those.

For further information on it, look at my friends blog, she has made two specific posts on the subject. They are very good. 
Yes, I said it. Pornography
Porn Addiction: Let's Get Real About It

The Good in Everything - Always

I was reading this month's home teaching lesson by President Uchtdorf titled "Looking For the Good" and many different ideas came up that I thought I would write.

I often consider myself an optimist but sometimes I just am not. And often most of us aren't. We are more prone to look for the negative in a class, a teacher, a stranger, a homeless man, a leader or sadly even a family member. Some people in and especially outside of the church love to say a few crazy things about Brigham Young. Why? Because he was very outspoken on his talks and his personal life. He lived in a time of great adaptations were needed after the murder of Joseph Smith so it seemed as though most things were extreme (compared to know). Many church policies still needed to be made, church doctrine indoctrinated and a tumult of new members of the church coming weekly to the Utah frontier. Can you imagine if other members that were close to him said some of the little things we say about him now? Look at what his own counselor, George Q Cannon, a man who probably knew Brother Brigham better than anyone else has to say about Brigham Young's death,

"I never criticized or found fault with [Brigham Young's] conduct, his counsel or his teachings at any time in my heart, much less in my words or actions. This is a pleasure to me now. The thought that never was with me was: If I criticize or fin fault with, or judge Brother Brigham, how far shall I go; if I commence, where shall I stop? I dared not to trust myself in such a course. I knew that apostasy frequently resulted from the indulgence of the spirit of criticizing and faultfinding. Other, of greater strength, wisdom and experience than myself, might do many things and escape evil consequences which I dare not do." George Q. Cannon, Journal, Jan. 17, 1878

 My point of this article is not just to say we need to sustain our church leaders, but rather to always look for the good and not ever let ourself let negative criticizing thoughts come into our mind and heart. Once we let the littlest feeling of negativity it is that much easier for greater negativity to come and eventually take over our positive outlook on an item. So before we criticize anything, let us make sure we remember that there is always something good out of them. You don't have to like them to find good. (But as you find the good, you may just start to like them).

I have found that this type of attitude makes life incredibly easier. George Q. Cannon was probably saved from his own personal apostasy through this type of attitude. Likewise, for those of us that are members of the LDS church, we would be well advised to do the same. We also find ourselves more compassionate, begin to feel the pure love of Christ for others. We can forgive and repent more quickly and effectively. We have the spirit with us. People see that there is a difference in our countenance when we look for the positive.

I often think of the atonement. I think of how people here on this earth with me forgive me for my mistakes and short comings. How much more then does my Heavenly Father forgive and love me because of his positive outlook on me? He doesn't view me as a trouble maker, but He views me as what my full potential is and always encourages me to keep moving forward no matter how hard I fall. The atonement of Jesus Christ is what allows this to work and the atonement is God's witness of His infinite love for us which we don't realize how much it really all is. So before we judge those that have made mistakes and have weaknesses - let us remember that someone views them in a much more positive manner and we should follow that example.

The Spirit of Christmas is the Spirit of the Atonement

I don't want to say the typical things you hear of how we are missing the real meaning of Christmas. I'd rather share what the meaning of Christmas is to me with a personal insight.

 I have fond memories as a little boy of my whole family sitting together in my grandparent's home and usually scriptures from Luke chapter two from the New Testament being shared of shepherds, wise men, angels, a star, and the miraculous birth of Jesus through the virgin Mary. I do remember having a sense of awe but mostly couldn't wait to open my Christmas Eve present and play with my brothers and cousins that were there.  It wasn't until I was probably about ten that I felt I comprehended why Christmas was a sacred time through it's celebration of the birth of Christ. 

We had just moved into our new home (the one my family currently lives in) and it was Easter day. We have some apricot trees in our new backyard that in the spring time grow flowers before the apricots begin to grow. Maybe some of you recall the song "Popcorn Popping," well the song is true, it really looks like popcorn! I saw this and remembered how vastly plain the trees had looked during the winter and now it was beginning anew, a rebirth, a newness, a fresh start. I then remembered what Easter was about - the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Then it hit me, "Christmas isn't about the birth of a baby through a miraculous event, it is about the birth of our Savior to perform the Atonement so that all of us may return to live with our Heavenly Father. Christmas isn't just about a miraculous birth but about what came about through the birth of Him who is most important for each of us.

This months First Presidency message is by President Uchtdorf he invites us to find a way to remember Christ more this season. When I taught this while home teaching most of them said through acts of service, reading the scriptures and remembering the Savior more often, etc. are how we can remember Christ more. I thought about those a lot and thought I'd see what I have done that has brought me closer to Christ this season. 

There was one simple moment of a friend and I walking back from sledding - she suggested we sing Christmas carols, so we did. While singing, even missing words here and there, we could feel the love that God has for us. I remember occasionally turning to look at her while singing and there were big smiles on our faces because of what it meant to sing these songs with deeper meanings than we can comprehend. 

President Uchtdorf in his message says the following: 

"The Christmas season is wonderful in many ways. It is a season of charitable acts of kindness and brotherly love. It is a season of being more reflective about our own lives and about the many blessings that are ours. It is a season of forgiving and being forgiven. It is a season to enjoy the music and lights, parties and presents. But the glitter of the season should never dim our sight and prevent us from truly seeing the Prince of Peace in His majesty."

Being more reflective of what the Savior has done, being forgiving and forgiven, coming closer to Christ - do these not all pertain what the Atonement does for us? I believe it does.
We have gifts we give to family and friends and what of a gift to Christ? This Christmas my gift to my Savior is to walk a little closer to Him, stand a little taller, do better in all that I do. I want to give my will to Him. I guess you can think of it as a renewal, a rebirth, gaining a brighter hope, a lot like the apricot tree in my backyard but for me in my life; all because of the birth of our Savior and the atonement. This season is a time to think of what the atonement has done for us and in turn give Christ's infinite love towards others.

"There is no better time than now, this very Christmas Season, for all of us to rededicate ourselves to the principles taught by Jesus Christ" - President Thomas S. Monson 

I pray each day that I may stand as a witness to the divinity of Christ's eternal love. Merry Christmas to all of you!