About a month ago in our ward's Elders Quorum we taught a lesson on Pornography. It was I guess you can say your normal "Pornography" lesson at church--why we need to abstain from it, the effects it has on you now and with a future spouse. All of which are very good reasons why we should not. A member of the stake presidency told me that probably at least 3/10's of priesthood holders are addicted to pornography in one way or another. That is just too much. So I thought I'd share two things I shared with the quorum.
1) Elder Holland's Mormon Message, "Watch Your Step"
2) Quotes from the sisters from the ward's relief society. I sent out a mass email to the sisters of the ward asking for their opinions and feelings about pornography that will help the elders to do be strong or stronger with this area of temptation. They are anonymous entrees. These quotes seemed to help the elders realize that there are sisters in their own ward that care about them and are encouraging them to be strong, valiant faithful priesthood holders of which they should be.
I know that anyone can overcome the addiction of pornography through the atonement of Jesus Christ. We do all that we can and ask the Lord to help us the rest of the way.
Quotes From The
Sisters On Pornography
For further information on it, look at my friends blog, she has made two specific posts on the subject. They are very good.
Yes, I said it. Pornography
Porn Addiction: Let's Get Real About It
1) Elder Holland's Mormon Message, "Watch Your Step"
2) Quotes from the sisters from the ward's relief society. I sent out a mass email to the sisters of the ward asking for their opinions and feelings about pornography that will help the elders to do be strong or stronger with this area of temptation. They are anonymous entrees. These quotes seemed to help the elders realize that there are sisters in their own ward that care about them and are encouraging them to be strong, valiant faithful priesthood holders of which they should be.
I know that anyone can overcome the addiction of pornography through the atonement of Jesus Christ. We do all that we can and ask the Lord to help us the rest of the way.
Quotes From The
Sisters On Pornography
1. Advice is to set goals and resolve not to allow yourself to
view pornography. Also, keep a picture of the Savior or the temple, or
something like that by your computer. It really does help! If it pops up on the
computer--turn it off. Run! Don't hesitate. If you are into pornography. think
about your future. Think about the possible outcomes. Talk to a priesthood
leader. It is hard, but the prize is worth it.
2. Pornography, to me is more than addiction. It is a vile disease that will eat you up. It is one of Satan's strongest tactics because it truly disintegrates the family and that is the biggest strength we can have. It takes away agency and leaves one alone--never satisfied and a skewed sense of relationships.
3. One of my very best friends back home has been hurt so much because her dad got into pornography which eventually caused her parents to get their temple sealing cancelled. It had been going on for years, and had only gotten worse because he hadn't gotten any help in overcoming it. He has since cleaned up his act somewhat and is now married to another woman, but the HARDEST thing in the world for me has been seeing how her trust for men just disappeared. Her own father, who is supposed to be a worthy priesthood holder, betrayed the trust that she had inherently put in him for as long as she knew. Dating has even been difficult because she's afraid to trust even the people who truly love her and won't hurt her. She has a little brother approaching Deacon age. He desperately needs a good example and I hope he will be able to learn from his grandpa, faithful home teachers, and other church leaders. But he should be able to learn that from his own father.
2. Pornography, to me is more than addiction. It is a vile disease that will eat you up. It is one of Satan's strongest tactics because it truly disintegrates the family and that is the biggest strength we can have. It takes away agency and leaves one alone--never satisfied and a skewed sense of relationships.
3. One of my very best friends back home has been hurt so much because her dad got into pornography which eventually caused her parents to get their temple sealing cancelled. It had been going on for years, and had only gotten worse because he hadn't gotten any help in overcoming it. He has since cleaned up his act somewhat and is now married to another woman, but the HARDEST thing in the world for me has been seeing how her trust for men just disappeared. Her own father, who is supposed to be a worthy priesthood holder, betrayed the trust that she had inherently put in him for as long as she knew. Dating has even been difficult because she's afraid to trust even the people who truly love her and won't hurt her. She has a little brother approaching Deacon age. He desperately needs a good example and I hope he will be able to learn from his grandpa, faithful home teachers, and other church leaders. But he should be able to learn that from his own father.
Most of all, I want her to know that someday when she gets
married, there WILL be a wonderful man that will love and respect her, someone
who she can trust with all of her heart. I want her to know that not all men
are like that, even though the person who was supposed to be an example decided
to give in to an extremely selfish desire -- one that cost him his family and
left them trying to rebuild from the ashes.
4. Please, think of your future families. It affects so many more people than just you. They need to be able to TRUST you. And if pornography will hurt them, it will definitely hurt you too. There are way too many wonderful, righteous desires we can pursue in our lives to get hung up on something as stupid and selfish as pornography. Do not tolerate ANYTHING like unto it. Get away from it if you ever encounter it. Get help if you need it -- the sooner you take care of it, the less it will hurt, and remember the power of the Savior's atonement to help you become clean.
5. To those of you who have the COURAGE to turn off a movie or song, who walk out of the theater -- or better yet, not go in the first place -- you have my greatest thanks and admiration. That's what REAL strength is. Thank you. Please help your friends to do the same, and keep up the good work. I pray God will bless you in staying clean from the stains of the world. You CAN do it, and the Lord will always help you.
6. I would advise against pornography because it ruins your life and your ability to have a normal relationship. It's one of those things that gets in your head and never leaves. It's like a drug, just once is too much.
7. I know a girl from home who is twice divorced because her husbands both had issues with pornography. She is a wonderful person who deserves to be loved for who she is and it saddens me to see such a disgusting thing get in the way and ruin a sacred temple marriage. As women we want to be loved for who we are and not what we are. No one deserves to be treated as an object. If you want to be truly happy for the rest of eternity, stay away from nasty pornography and stick with good wholesome worthy temple marriage. You'll be glad you did.
8. Well, this is a pretty intense topic and I know it seems like we hear about it a lot, but the more of the world that I have seen, the more I understand how important it is to continually talk about this. In short, pornography is one of the easiest tools for Satan to use because it seems so harmless at first. It just seems like one picture, but that can become so addicting and can lead to worse things. It would be hard to believe that such a horrible thing such as abuse or an affair could start with a pornography addiction. It is a real danger and something that is threatening families everywhere.
9. I remember that we had a lesson one time in Relief Society about pornography and how it affects so many men in our society. They told us that we need to be careful and we need to know about these problems if our boyfriends or husbands have had them in the past. They told us to ask the people that we are dating if they have had issues with this in the past so that we can be there to help them if they have another problem. I really went home and asked my boyfriend if he had ever had a problem with it in his life. It may seem extreme, but I just feel like it is easier to tell your girlfriend about a potential problem that tries to work through the problems it has caused in your relationship later. I know that it is something that ruins families and I do not want it to ruin mine so I will do what I have to in order to avoid it, meaning that I will offer all the love and support I can.
10. I've learned a lot about pornography within the last month or so because of people I know of who have admitted to struggling with an addiction for years. I think it's so important for the boys to know that if they do have an addiction they need psychological help. I've learned that it changes the chemicals within the brain making it almost impossible to get completely over it without psychological help. There's an awesome support group that I believe the church hosts that meets once a week at different places all over the valley. There's one just off campus that I know of. Moms, Dads, girlfriends, siblings, friends, etc can totally go with them as support too and learn for themselves about what a serious problem this is. Building a support group makes such a difference!
11. The boys need to realize that this does not make them lesser men. I think that those of them that may be struggling with an addiction would be shocked to find out how many others are struggling alongside them. I love my boys, especially those who are struggling and seeking help. It breaks my heart that you guys have to face this sort of thing. I strongly believe that having this addiction and overcoming it will only create better and stronger men for the future. They will become better church leaders, fathers, and patriarchs. This was definitely more than a sentence, but I feel very strongly about this subject. One last thing - everyone takes the attack from a "scare" approach. What I mean is that teachers use "scare tactics" by telling guys that if they look at pornography THEN they'll become rapists, sex addicts, drug addicts, etc. So what about the good guys who are struggling with this addiction? What hope do they have if they think people will only think of them as scum? We don't think of them as scum. We love them and want to help support them.
12. I think the biggest thing for guys stuck in this situation- between being addicted and being free- is for them to realize that they aren't worthless and disgusting. It was so hard for me to see him berating himself and being so angry at himself that he didn't love himself at all- he felt like the scum of the earth. Sure, pornography is a horrible addiction, but it does NOT deprive anyone from the Savior's love. There is always a chance to pivot- to do a complete 180, stopping the bad direction, and pursuing the righteous path.
13. Guys know how girls are- we cry when we're happy, and we cry when we're sad. Some of us are pretty insecure, and small things can drop our opinion of ourselves. Well, picture a situation in which you have to tell your girlfriend or wife that you are addicted to pornography. To a woman, she will feel like you love the pornography more than her; that you think it is more beautiful than she is. (And I say "it" because pornography is not "real people," if you get my meaning. Pornography is a sick way to destroy the pure love and unity of man and wife.) When you find your woman and get married, you want to see only her, and God, in the relationship. There is no tangent line to the triangle. Don't let pornography be a tangent. It destroys, and never builds. Repentance is possible, and though it may not be easy, it's worth it. Heavenly Father sent us here and only gave us trials we can handle. With God, nothing is impossible.
14. Anyone struggling with that addiction just has to decide before hand to get whatever is tempting them out of the picture completely! Maybe that even means that every time they use their laptop, if they know that they might be tempted, if they are by themselves, then go into a room with people in it that will not be so private. They can find something to replace the lustful thoughts. Maybe they can find websites that are a good substitute for turning off the addiction. Maybe every time they get the urge to view, they can turn to mormon.org instead, or lds.org...and just get re-focused. Doing these things over time, consistently and diligently will dampen and ultimately bury those addictions. Of course, all the while praying without ceasing for help to conquer the addiction at hand.
15. Obviously pornography is bad. Can you imagine looking at it with your mother in the room? Christ? Anyone? Even if Satan was in there watching with you, you would be embarrassed because you gave in to his will and lowered your standards.
16. My grandfather viewed pornography. Although it may seem harmless, it eventually led him to drinking, participating in other behavior and he became an alcoholic. I never knew my grandpa sober- and even as a little girl I could see the disrespectful way he treated my grandmother. My grandmother could no longer take the abuse so at age 75, she separated from her husband of many years. My grandpa did not see the effects his selfish behavior had on anyone else because he was to busy with his own pleasures, it finally took him losing everything he had to come back to his senses, and now he is full of sorrow and regrets, wishing he could take back 50 years of his life. My mom, and aunts were also affected by his selfishness even us grandchildren. I was not important to my grandpa, until recently. Please please, stay away from this evil addiction as no good whatsoever will come of it. Families will be ruined.
Why it is bad, the effects
17. To continue with the thought of being fulfilled, I learned from my marriage prep teacher that sex is not a need, but a means to an end. The need we all have is to feel love and belonging. Pornography may seem a suitable medication at the time, but it will not ever fulfill that need. Trapping yourself in this addiction prevents you and whomever you decided to marry from having a fully healthy sexual relationship until you undo the unhealthy conditioning you have towards this media. I do feel that freedom IS possible though, through the Atonement and hard work in absence of denial.
If you have gotten into this heartbreaking pattern, recognize that it does NOT make you evil. If you pray to God and ask Him if He loves you, He WILL answer! He is there even when you pull away. He will help you.
18. Pornography breaks hearts, your own and the hearts of those you love. If you think that you aren't hurting anyone else, that is denial. But the reason these people hurt is because they love you. They want to you to succeed and feel fulfilled. I hope that you would pray about who in your life needs to know about your struggle so that they can be God's angels to help you. I am sure the Bishop will be just one of those.
4. Please, think of your future families. It affects so many more people than just you. They need to be able to TRUST you. And if pornography will hurt them, it will definitely hurt you too. There are way too many wonderful, righteous desires we can pursue in our lives to get hung up on something as stupid and selfish as pornography. Do not tolerate ANYTHING like unto it. Get away from it if you ever encounter it. Get help if you need it -- the sooner you take care of it, the less it will hurt, and remember the power of the Savior's atonement to help you become clean.
5. To those of you who have the COURAGE to turn off a movie or song, who walk out of the theater -- or better yet, not go in the first place -- you have my greatest thanks and admiration. That's what REAL strength is. Thank you. Please help your friends to do the same, and keep up the good work. I pray God will bless you in staying clean from the stains of the world. You CAN do it, and the Lord will always help you.
6. I would advise against pornography because it ruins your life and your ability to have a normal relationship. It's one of those things that gets in your head and never leaves. It's like a drug, just once is too much.
7. I know a girl from home who is twice divorced because her husbands both had issues with pornography. She is a wonderful person who deserves to be loved for who she is and it saddens me to see such a disgusting thing get in the way and ruin a sacred temple marriage. As women we want to be loved for who we are and not what we are. No one deserves to be treated as an object. If you want to be truly happy for the rest of eternity, stay away from nasty pornography and stick with good wholesome worthy temple marriage. You'll be glad you did.
8. Well, this is a pretty intense topic and I know it seems like we hear about it a lot, but the more of the world that I have seen, the more I understand how important it is to continually talk about this. In short, pornography is one of the easiest tools for Satan to use because it seems so harmless at first. It just seems like one picture, but that can become so addicting and can lead to worse things. It would be hard to believe that such a horrible thing such as abuse or an affair could start with a pornography addiction. It is a real danger and something that is threatening families everywhere.
9. I remember that we had a lesson one time in Relief Society about pornography and how it affects so many men in our society. They told us that we need to be careful and we need to know about these problems if our boyfriends or husbands have had them in the past. They told us to ask the people that we are dating if they have had issues with this in the past so that we can be there to help them if they have another problem. I really went home and asked my boyfriend if he had ever had a problem with it in his life. It may seem extreme, but I just feel like it is easier to tell your girlfriend about a potential problem that tries to work through the problems it has caused in your relationship later. I know that it is something that ruins families and I do not want it to ruin mine so I will do what I have to in order to avoid it, meaning that I will offer all the love and support I can.
10. I've learned a lot about pornography within the last month or so because of people I know of who have admitted to struggling with an addiction for years. I think it's so important for the boys to know that if they do have an addiction they need psychological help. I've learned that it changes the chemicals within the brain making it almost impossible to get completely over it without psychological help. There's an awesome support group that I believe the church hosts that meets once a week at different places all over the valley. There's one just off campus that I know of. Moms, Dads, girlfriends, siblings, friends, etc can totally go with them as support too and learn for themselves about what a serious problem this is. Building a support group makes such a difference!
11. The boys need to realize that this does not make them lesser men. I think that those of them that may be struggling with an addiction would be shocked to find out how many others are struggling alongside them. I love my boys, especially those who are struggling and seeking help. It breaks my heart that you guys have to face this sort of thing. I strongly believe that having this addiction and overcoming it will only create better and stronger men for the future. They will become better church leaders, fathers, and patriarchs. This was definitely more than a sentence, but I feel very strongly about this subject. One last thing - everyone takes the attack from a "scare" approach. What I mean is that teachers use "scare tactics" by telling guys that if they look at pornography THEN they'll become rapists, sex addicts, drug addicts, etc. So what about the good guys who are struggling with this addiction? What hope do they have if they think people will only think of them as scum? We don't think of them as scum. We love them and want to help support them.
12. I think the biggest thing for guys stuck in this situation- between being addicted and being free- is for them to realize that they aren't worthless and disgusting. It was so hard for me to see him berating himself and being so angry at himself that he didn't love himself at all- he felt like the scum of the earth. Sure, pornography is a horrible addiction, but it does NOT deprive anyone from the Savior's love. There is always a chance to pivot- to do a complete 180, stopping the bad direction, and pursuing the righteous path.
13. Guys know how girls are- we cry when we're happy, and we cry when we're sad. Some of us are pretty insecure, and small things can drop our opinion of ourselves. Well, picture a situation in which you have to tell your girlfriend or wife that you are addicted to pornography. To a woman, she will feel like you love the pornography more than her; that you think it is more beautiful than she is. (And I say "it" because pornography is not "real people," if you get my meaning. Pornography is a sick way to destroy the pure love and unity of man and wife.) When you find your woman and get married, you want to see only her, and God, in the relationship. There is no tangent line to the triangle. Don't let pornography be a tangent. It destroys, and never builds. Repentance is possible, and though it may not be easy, it's worth it. Heavenly Father sent us here and only gave us trials we can handle. With God, nothing is impossible.
14. Anyone struggling with that addiction just has to decide before hand to get whatever is tempting them out of the picture completely! Maybe that even means that every time they use their laptop, if they know that they might be tempted, if they are by themselves, then go into a room with people in it that will not be so private. They can find something to replace the lustful thoughts. Maybe they can find websites that are a good substitute for turning off the addiction. Maybe every time they get the urge to view, they can turn to mormon.org instead, or lds.org...and just get re-focused. Doing these things over time, consistently and diligently will dampen and ultimately bury those addictions. Of course, all the while praying without ceasing for help to conquer the addiction at hand.
15. Obviously pornography is bad. Can you imagine looking at it with your mother in the room? Christ? Anyone? Even if Satan was in there watching with you, you would be embarrassed because you gave in to his will and lowered your standards.
16. My grandfather viewed pornography. Although it may seem harmless, it eventually led him to drinking, participating in other behavior and he became an alcoholic. I never knew my grandpa sober- and even as a little girl I could see the disrespectful way he treated my grandmother. My grandmother could no longer take the abuse so at age 75, she separated from her husband of many years. My grandpa did not see the effects his selfish behavior had on anyone else because he was to busy with his own pleasures, it finally took him losing everything he had to come back to his senses, and now he is full of sorrow and regrets, wishing he could take back 50 years of his life. My mom, and aunts were also affected by his selfishness even us grandchildren. I was not important to my grandpa, until recently. Please please, stay away from this evil addiction as no good whatsoever will come of it. Families will be ruined.
Why it is bad, the effects
17. To continue with the thought of being fulfilled, I learned from my marriage prep teacher that sex is not a need, but a means to an end. The need we all have is to feel love and belonging. Pornography may seem a suitable medication at the time, but it will not ever fulfill that need. Trapping yourself in this addiction prevents you and whomever you decided to marry from having a fully healthy sexual relationship until you undo the unhealthy conditioning you have towards this media. I do feel that freedom IS possible though, through the Atonement and hard work in absence of denial.
If you have gotten into this heartbreaking pattern, recognize that it does NOT make you evil. If you pray to God and ask Him if He loves you, He WILL answer! He is there even when you pull away. He will help you.
18. Pornography breaks hearts, your own and the hearts of those you love. If you think that you aren't hurting anyone else, that is denial. But the reason these people hurt is because they love you. They want to you to succeed and feel fulfilled. I hope that you would pray about who in your life needs to know about your struggle so that they can be God's angels to help you. I am sure the Bishop will be just one of those.
For further information on it, look at my friends blog, she has made two specific posts on the subject. They are very good.
Yes, I said it. Pornography
Porn Addiction: Let's Get Real About It
Fantastic read Scott. This is a topic that needs more attention. Society says that pornography is ok. The average divorce rate in society is around seventy percent. This tells me that any suggestions or advice that one might receive from society regarding marriage or morality has a seventy percent chance of being poor advice. Pornography is the killer of souls because it's effects are so far reaching and are so pervasive. To all that are struggling with this: you are loved and there are many like myself cheering you on.
ReplyDeleteI've just discovered your blog, Scott and you have tons of great articles! This is a very good one too, an important topic. I think one thing I would add would be to the women who are in relationships with men who view pornography: they must know it is NOT THEIR FAULT. You could be the most beautiful, perfect woman in the world and the husband can still succumb to pornography but not because of some problem with the wife and not because he is not happy with her. The temptation is a separate thing. I think it is a temptation we women do not understand because we don't struggle with it. We cannot blame ourselves and think that we are insufficient in some way. When women realize it is not their fault and can see the temptation as something not caused by some imagined deficiency in themselves, then it can make them stronger to help their husbands, friends or whoever to overcome the addiction. We woman can be a powerful tool in helping men overcome addictions like these by dressing modestly and encouraging them to live the gospel and fill their lives with things of God.
ReplyDeleteMichelle! Thank you very much for your additional viewpoints. I've come to learn that after I write my posts that there were much more I could have added. But alas, I am still a student and don't have that much time. Your comment is very helpful and will keep it in mind for a future pornography post.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete